Advent Reflection: Unease
"Let is be to me according to your word" Luke 1:38
Scott Erickson There was a moment when the Presence of God was felt as uneasy morning sickness. Don’t be surprised if your current unease is that exact same avenue of Presence. There may have been a period in Mary’s journey when she too went through this same uneasy trimester. I can imagine the moment it hit, ending the spiritual high of angelic announcement and welcoming her into the uneasy, queasy feeling of actually having to go through the physical details of this divine calling. That’s the rub of all divine proclamations, isn’t it? The announcement that you are going to grow. The process of growth is always uneasy, because growth never comes through ease. It comes through the stretching and expanding of one’s own capacity to push on ahead. And often the change that needs to happen in order for you to grow may leave you dry heaving on the sidelines. Like when you run until you feel like throwing up as you prepare for the day of the marathon. Or the anxiety nausea of packing up your worldly possessions and moving to a part of the world that is unknown to you. Or the gagging nerves of trying to date again. Or the vomitous risk of starting a new career. The uneasiness is not a sign you’re doing it wrong. In fact, just as with pregnancy, it’s a sign you’re on the right track. If you ask a newly pregnant mother, hugging the toilet while racked with morning sickness, why it’s worth going through all this hardship, she will wipe away remnants of last night’s dinner with a piece of toilet paper and whisper, “For love. It’s worth it because I love this child.” The answer to our question to God is surprisingly the same. Just like morning sickness, the unease is a strategy of the soul to protect you from doing all the things as usual that could harm this new life being grown in you. It’s for love that you have been moved from what is known to what is unknown. It’s for love that you have been moved from your comfortable perch so you can be enlarged by a different perspective. It is for love that you have been broken open so a larger capacity of faith, hope, and love can be built inside you. For love. It’s because you are loved.